♥ Quartet Performance at Your Service ♥

If you are organizing any sort of events, ranging from dinner party, wedding, birthday party, retirement party...any sort of gathering and you need some light entertainment such as a String Quartet performance. Don't hesitate any longer coz me and my friends will be at your service ^_^ You can contact me through e-mail; wani_musician@yahoo.com and I'll let you know all the details ♥ ♥

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Conceal Don't Feel

I admit, I have the habit of not allowing people to go beyond the surface of who I am.  Very few people in life can get beyond the surface after the tip of the iceberg and even fewer get to go deeper in the ocean and I would say none will know how big it is.  I guess this situation is relatable to everyone, I'm sure everyone does this.  In my case, almost everyone in my life stays at the tip of the iceberg.  I tend to give the impression that I'm not interested or I don't care...but underneath, I actually do care and interested...A LOT.  This covers pretty much all possible aspect of my emotions.  I never truly show how grateful, happy, and excited I am just like how I never truly show how sorry, sad, angry or heartbroken I am.  Most of the time, I let out this emotion when I'm alone in my room, where I usually write them down, or cry them out, or just day dream and smile like an idiot alone.  Even when I do share it with other people...it's always at the surface, but never truly about how I really feel or think about of the situation.  May it be the happy ones or the sad ones.  I pretty much look at it as a curse...because the truth is...I am very emotional.  I get happy and excited very easily, and I get sad and frustrated very easily as well.  I'm Aries afterall.  I have this big ball of emotions that I refuse to let it be seen too much.  I have this Elsa mode of "conceal don't feel, don't let them know..." kind of situation.  Not because I like it that way...but because it became a habit.  Honestly, I don't entirely remember the triggering point of me not wanting to show too much emotions despite me being an emotional human being.  However, I have a feeling that it occurs during my "Great Depression" phase a few years back.  That's probably when I was so depressed that I decided to just not show too much of how I feel.  Because that's just the safest way of not getting hurt and staying securely content with life.  It's getting better now I think, at least I can slowly show my feelings.  It was much worse back then where I always act like I don't care.  

However, old habits die hard.  There are many moments in my life where I feel like if I am just more open about my own emotions...things will be much much different with certain individuals or situations.  If I just stop hiding everything inside once I feel too much of something, then I might not have push away too many people in my life.  I said before that it's a curse because in the process of me hiding away everything because my fear of getting hurt by the external influence...I ended up hurting myself even more than anything or anyone else.  That feeling sucks.  BUT, showing too much of your emotions can also be out of control and might not have a healthy outcome.  I guess...I am still unable to find the balance that I end up turning on the "conceal don't feel, don't let them know..." mode.  Honestly, sometimes I feel like an idiot when I realized that I should've just be more open with my own emotions.  I guess...if fate meant it to be that way...things will end up being that way.  Everything happens for a reason right?  I have another bad habit of wanting to know how everything will turn out...that it might turn me into a control freak.  So, letting go of that is also a working progress.  I guess the question after you realized something happened the way it happened...is how do you move on from there?

I guess only time will tell...only time will tell...

*taken from Tumblr

Sunday, September 20, 2015

First Post from a New Land

Hello everybody.  It's been awhile since I last updated something.  I will try my best to update more often in the future.  I am happy to announce, that I am still alive and healthy (thankfully), and I am currently writing this from my room in Cardiff.  Yay!  A start of a new chapter in my life.  I pray for the best possible experience from this journey.  I admit, getting to this point was no easy task.  I pretty much felt like I went through hell and back to get here.  I won't say that the difficult part is over, because there are still some things that I need to get it settled before I can truly, absolutely, completely enjoy this new beginning.  

I must admit, I have fears of pursuing this dream of mine of studying music in the Western world.  I would be lying if I say I have no worries.  There are so many things to think about, and I admit, there are plenty of times where giving up seems like such an easier and hassle-free alternative.  I know, a lot of people (particularly Malaysians) would've given up.  I am saying this because I saw a lot people who gave up.  I don't blame them, because Malaysia is not economically stable at the moment, the drop of currency is really effecting everyone who wish to study abroad and everything just become such a burden financially.  And some people who gave up their dreams didn't do it because they want it the easy way, but because they have other priorities to think about.  So, I don't blame them, it's a pity though, I hope they will get to live their dream sooner or later.

*photo taken from Tumblr
But there are those who gave up because apparently it is "too difficult" and to those people, I don't know what you'd expect this to be...a nice peaceful walk in the park?  Everything will just come rolling down your way and you don't have to lift a finger to get anything done?  I know there's this concept of visualizing what you want and it well happen, I believe in that concept, but some people are understanding it the wrong way.  Visualizing doesn't mean you imagine it and do nothing.  It's merely about changing your mindset of you getting what you want and make your way to the direction that you want to go.  It's about being optimistic that your dreams are possibilities that you can have in the future, and believing in those possibilities.  I was told so many times to give up, but I visualize what I want, and here I am today, updating my blog from my room in Cardiff, UK.  Was it an easy journey?  Hell no.  It was an adventure!!  Definitely an experience that I will never forget.  All the ups and downs....the difficulties that I have faced, the time I spent crying in my room because I felt like it was too hard with everyone telling me to quit, the financial difficulties, the challenges with my visa...so much obstacles, that when I arrive at the airport of Heathrow...everything felt so meaningful.  To know that I've made it this far...and that just give me the strength to keep going through this new journey.

I've made it this far!!
So, to those people out there who are reading this, and you have a dream that you want to achieve...go and get them.  I believe that everything is possible in this life.  If you want to be someone amazing, then be that amazing someone.  You should not let anyone stop you.  I know, coming from an Asian family, that might be a little complicated as Asian parents (especially the older generations) feel like they are the ones to decide how you should live your life, but I'm telling you, it's your life...do what YOU want.  Don't live your life pleasing others, not even your parents.  I know this might sounds like I'm a bad daughter for saying this, I probably am...but I believe that if your parents truly love you unconditionally, they will be proud of your success no matter what.  They might take it personally at first, but they will come around and see how much this means to you.  Good luck in achieving your dreams everyone!!  I will see you at the top coz that's where I'm heading!  ;)