Thursday, August 19, 2010

Diary

I guess I will be needing a diary, coz there are some things that either I don't know how to share or I just simply not ready to share it with anybody just yet, but I need to let it out somewhere. So, maybe I'll be needing a diary.

You said I never agree with you, huh? Wanna know why? Coz the way you think, does not fit into a musician's head, I tried to explain but you'll said I'm being rude...and of course, never want to agree with anything you say.

1. the recommendation letter, yeah, i know, i didn't make a copy of it before I posted it. you think I did that on purpose? I tried, but either I can't find a photocopy shop or there isn't much time...and in the end, I have no choice but to post it anyway. And when I explain to you just that, you told others that I'm too lazy to make a copy of it and when I explained to everyone else, everyone else just say I'm making excuses to hide my "lazy" excuse. Fine, my bad for not making a copy but not because I'm too lazy to do it.

2. You asked me to teach as a part time job, I agreed, I told you I only want to teach maximum of two places so I only have to sacrifice two days of my practice time in a week so I can have more time practicing rather than working. But then you said nothing is impossible if I set my heart into it. Well guess what? I DO SET MY HEART INTO IT, and I want to prepare for the might be most important audition ever...so I need more time practicing rather than working!

3. You told me once that I don't need to be part of an orchestra because what I learn in orchestra can be learn if I practice hard enough by myself. Well guess what? Tell that to ANY orchestra musician and they will DISagree with you. There are difference between private practice and ensemble practice. I will need both to be a great musician.

What do you expect? Of course I always disagree with you. We're just not thinking alike when it comes to music. I try to make you understand but you wouldn't listen, saying I'm being very rude to go against what you said. What do you want me to do? Just tag along and pretend that my future will fall nicely into places? I want this really bad, I KNOW what I want. I set my heart into it, and I understand you're trying to help, but you're doing it wrong....and it's even worse when I can't set it right.

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