Saturday, November 24, 2012

Healing

Me at Angkor Wat, Cambodia
Hello there again.  It is me, the "almost-always-depressed" Wani.  In comparison to my last post, I am feeling slightly better today.  Talked to Thairy and just get everything off my chest.  Felt good to finally talk about it to someone.  Have someone ever told you that depression is a decease?  I think it is kinda true, coz every time I feel depressed, my chest will usually ache, or sometimes my head hurts.  It does concerns me, I don't want to be sick over some problems that doesn't even involve the entire universe.  I guess it is just something that I need to learn to deal with.  I guess when I keep everything inside, not letting it out, just keep on locking it in, until one day it is too much to handle...then when depressions strike in, every little things can upset me.  At the same time, I don't want to be talking about it to people all the time, I am already a boring person to even begin with, I don't want to keep on telling people about my problems.  I need to figure out a more convenient solution that doesn't involve me telling other people.  Maybe a diary?  Well, this blog is already like my diary...but it is more like a "public" diary...if there is such thing.  However, maybe having a more personal diary is not such a bad idea, I don't have to be writing in it too often, just when there's something that bothers me and I should express it out, and maybe a good way to express it out is by writing about it.  I don't really like owning a diary, coz then people will want to read it once they know you own one...but in my case, I think it will help to keep me from going depress over stupid things.  I believe there are people who can get easily depress and I am one of those people.  First step in facing the problem is by admitting it, right?  I know it will be hard, I always have insecurities issue that I am still trying to get it under control and now I need to add this one into the list of things I need to constantly work on.  I have to do it somehow, it is for the best.  I hate to be in a bad mood, I hate to be in depression mode.  It's killing me, literally.  Opening up to people will always be an issue for me, but sometimes I don't look at it as an extremely bad thing, even though I feel like it will always create an unnecessary barriers between me and other people from getting to know me, but at the same time...it will only make room to certain people that matters to me in my life to know some personal things about myself.  Most people don't really know me truly from the heart, most people know me from what they can observe by spending time with me.  But that doesn't mean I hate them or anything, probably I just don't trust them enough to let them in, and I don't usually let people in that easily.  I have trust issues, and I think a few people already know that.  Well, I should go now, I have to work tomorrow morning.  Good night people.  Bye~♥

*photo taken from Tumblr

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