Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Is it wrong?

I am a person of many dreams.  I want many things in life that sometimes I am just not sure if I can choose.  However, what I can say that out of all of my dreams, there are two that stands out as a passion in career.  One, is to be a professional orchestra player.  The other will be a professional and successful film scorer.  I have been playing in orchestra for more than 10 years, and not even once I'm tired of it.  I just love it so much and I would love to do that for a living.  At the same time, I love music and film very much and film scoring is something that can give me a chance to be part of both worlds.  I am very much aware of what I need to do to get myself in the line of orchestra playing since I have many years of experience playing in orchestra.  However, I have very little knowledge on film scoring.  I can compose, but I have never experience writing music for moving pictures before.  During my studies in UCSI, I did learned the process of film scoring in the post-production of the entire filming process.  Then again, those are just the rough guidelines, I'm sure experiencing the process in person will be a completely different feeling.  After I completed my studies in UCSI, I have been thinking of exploring into the world of film scoring.  I applied for a two-week summer course in New York University on Film Scoring Workshop, and I got in ^_^  I am very happy and excited for it because I get to observe, witness, and learn the process of film scoring.  I even use my own money so that I won't be a burden to my parents.  Then, my parents still argue with me anyway, saying how I'm wasting my time and money for something that is clearly just a hobby, and can't give me a future and good money.  I can understand their concern, film scoring industry in Malaysia is not as high as the market in Hollywood.  I get that, and I know they never wanted me to become a musician in the first place, hence, them trying to make me feel depressed and frustrated all the time by constantly telling me I can't get a job and I'm just wasting my time.  I guess I'm just a very...VERY stubborn daughter who wants to do what I love no matter what.  Does that make me a bad daughter?  I guess through their eyes...maybe?  Hahaha.  

*taken from Tumblr
I don't know how else to explain this to them, but I just need to do this.  I can't sleep well at night thinking that I might never explore the possibilities of me becoming a film scorer.  Don't get me wrong, I will not quit playing the violin, and I will always be interested in playing in the orchestra.  At the same time, I want to know and have the knowledge of film scoring.  Then, and only then, will I clearly know which path is better for me.  Film Scorer...or Orchestra Musician?  Even if I do end up choosing film scoring, it doesn't mean I can't play in orchestra anymore, right?  And, if I end up not doing film scoring, at least I have the knowledge and experience to witness the process and I do believe with my heart that it will be useful for me in the future.  I mean, as much as I love playing music in orchestra, I want to create music and maybe with the knowledge of film scoring, I can make wonderful things out of it.  Am I making any sense at all right now?  So, is it wrong for me to want to pursue and explore the possibilities of me becoming a film scorer?  Is it wrong for me to step out of my comfort zone and venture into the "unknown"?  Is it wrong for me to be so stubborn against my parents?  Is it wrong?

*taken from Tumblr

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