Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I Need To Get Out

I envy rich people.  I do.  Not because of love over money.  Mostly, because my need for money.  Getting an Unconditional Letter to study abroad is just a speck on the tip of the iceberg.  What makes it difficult for me is that I live in Malaysia.  Where idiots want to be an expert at religion, where everything that is not religiously in line to "their idea" of Islam is considered haram.  Also, a country where arts is look down upon probably lower than dirt.  Believe me, if I have enough money, I won't even be posting this because I will be more than happy to get away from these idiots.  Up to this point, I have a total of 6 rejections on student loans and scholarships, and many others without any answers.  Why?  Because they don't support art.  That's why.  Like, for crying out loud, it is a student loan.  LOAN.  I'm going to pay the damn thing back, why can't you just give me the damn loan?  I'm getting sick of people giving me a look when I say I'm doing music.  Why?  Am I under the "haram" category?  I am so sick with all these ignorant people who are so judgemental and discriminative "all in the name of Islam" crap.  Fuck you, because Islam is about peace, respect and love, and what you all been doing is the total opposite of that.  Why is it that non-Muslim countries can have more peace and respect with each other than this so-called good Islamic country?  It's just mind blowing to see the amount of idiots who call themselves religious by being disrespectful and narrow minded on a daily basis.  DAILY BASIS.  Even our Prophet Muhammad SAW respected people of different religions and beliefs, and let them practice their faith without judgement and discrimination.  So why are these idiots think themselves higher than our Prophet Muhammad SAW by judging and discriminating people of different faiths?  I even heard stories of our Prophet's love towards arts.  So why are these idiots think themselves higher than our Prophet Muhammad SAW by looking down on arts and labeled everything in arts as haram?  Our Prophet Muhammad SAW treated everything and everyone around him with respect and love, even if those people have different faiths, he still respected them...so why can't Malaysian Muslims do the same?  How holy are you that give you the rights to decide who goes to heaven or hell?  Who give you the rights to decide who has sinned and who has not?  For all I know, you sinned more than moderate Muslims in this country with all of your judgements and discriminations towards people who are different from you.  Don't tell me the "if you don't like it then leave" bullshit because I've been trying to do that for a while.  It's never really in my intention to leave for good, I just want to get out of this horrible place for a while and just be inspired.  I want knowledge and experience from a different land.  I want perspectives from different angles.  I want to feel alive...because believe me, I don't feel like that anymore in this country.  Slowly, I am beginning to feel like I am losing my soul and life is getting more and more grey.  I can't breathe, I can't move.  I need to get out and break free from this nonsense.  Oh how I wish I have the money to get out of here.  Not forever, just temporarily.  I say this because I still care for Malaysia, it is my home anyway...and I want to see the people in this country can live harmoniously together with respect and love for each other despite the differences in race and religion.  I also want to see people in this country respect and appreciate all kind of arts.  Music, dancing, theatre, paintings, and many others.  Our arts cultures are dying, Malaysia is losing the rich cultural identity, all because people look at arts as nothing more than a hobby or a waste of time.  It is all because of all these damn chaos that are happening in this country.  I am currently still finding ways and alternatives to get enough funding to make my dream of studying abroad comes true.  It's not over yet, I can still have my chance, and I will have my chance.  I just have to believe, and keep fighting for it.

*image taken from Tumblr

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